Not everyone can understand the purpose of polyamory, why someone would want to have multiple relationships to begin with. I rebel against the very idea of institutionalized monogamy, but I recognize that some people just prefer a deep romantic closeness with only one individual, and that is fine. Aside from the fact that at my very core I have never been able to regulate the wonder in my heart for closeness and vulnerability and adoration and love to one solitary person, I also am so grateful for the beautiful moments I find in polyamory that I wouldn’t have otherwise.
This morning I was laying in bed, having already gotten up to feed all the critters, clean the litter boxes and ferret cage, let the dogs outside to work off some energy. I got back into bed to snuggle up to Kelev, who almost always sleeps later than I do, and was softly snoring in a way that melts my heart. I love how when he’s sleeping, when I tell him I love him he always says it back, even though he’ll have no memory of it when he wakes. This morning I was watching him sleep and whispering sweet nothings to him about how he’s a glorious demon ascended into human flesh, his black heart wreathed in flamed and filled with the power of the millions of souls he’s devoured. You know, the usual romantic stuff. We may have a slightly twisted view of romance, but who’s going to judge? He smiled and softly woofed at me in his sleep. The moment was just so precious and I texted Hoffy about it, wanting to share my warm-fuzzy-joy-feels.
Think about what you value in partnership. The amazing connection with someone where you want to tell them everything that is good in your life, every spark of joy just bubbles over and you want to share it with someone you adore. The vulnerability and closeness you have with someone with whom you can share your sappiest feelings, who can hear about your squishy bright happy feels and will celebrate them with you. Think about those tender moments of seeing someone you love so peaceful, with their hair all messy as they sleep, all the worlds troubles smoothed away with rest. I am so grateful to be able to share the most loving and sweet moments of my life that bring me the most joy, with more people who I share that love and joy with as well. To revel in the sheer happiness of love with equally loving and accepting people that I am vulnerable and open with. I wonder who monogamous people tell those moments to? Do they have a best friend who they feel the same intense closeness with that they do with their partner, who they can share those happy feelings with, who will feel warm and fuzzy at the adorableness of it all instead of rolling their eyes? I sure hope so.
Yesterday I was talking with my partner D. We recently got involved in a DD/lg kink dynamic, and she also got involved with Kelev as well. She has a long distance romance with the Brit, as I’ve taken to referring to him in my mind, a fantastic individual with a voice that makes me melt a little. She was telling me of a conversation she was having with him, and he made a joke about my love of his accent. The way he described me in this little snapshot of humor she shared with me was absolutely spot on. It was so absolutely sweet, the exchange they had, that he had remembered me in it, that she had then shared it with me. The humor spiraled outwards, and I was graced with being a part of it.
That is what I love about polyamory. There are so many wonderful moments shared between people who love each other intensely and sweetly, and in sharing my heart with so many people and having partners who do the same, the joy spirals outward. When we tell each other exuberantly about a snapshot moment of love, and when it is received lovingly and happily as well, it just compounds those emotions. I don’t have less love for any one partner because I share my heart with many, I have a thousand more opportunities each day for that love to be multiplied as moments are shared and enjoyed in this outward spiral of connection and acceptance. That is the purpose of polyamory to me. Just as one of the beauties in cultivating a garden is sharing the fruits of your labor with family, I cultivate each relationship with healthy respect and passion and communication and vulnerability. And I am able to share what grows of those seeds far beyond just the person I grew them with. That bounty of love is available to nourish us all through the hard times and invigorate us to grow more in the good times. It all spirals outwards, and I hope if you are on this journey as well, one day that spiral reaches you.